4 Things keeping us from a perfect relationship
Choosing a spouse is one of the most important and impactful decisions you can make in your life. So once you have chosen that special someone you want to create and maintain a wonderful love together. Most of us start out that way while we are in the honeymoon stage and find ourselves slowly creeping more towards arguments, tension, and even resentment. Below are 4 things that can keep your honeymoon from being a lasting one.
Wanting to be right, not happy.
People who want to be right, argue, people who want to understand, discuss. This is the core to a lot of relationship issues. The sooner we can get to happy, the better our relationship will be. All relationships encounter issues, but when they are communicated are you trying to be right or are your trying to be understanding? When we get to a place of opening up about our issues let’s be kind and find understanding before fault. Own up to your part in the issues first and instead of blaming your partner try to understand your partner. Most of the time your partner wasn’t intentionally hurting your feelings, there was just a misunderstanding.
Not being the partner you want
I find that many clients of mine have a list that they carry around of things their partner does or does not do that they like or dislike. Many times in one’s life we look to other people to make us happy and when we aren’t happy, it has to be our partner’s fault. BUT what we fail to realize is that we are often just as responsible and just as often not being the partner we want. If you would like to get sweet cards from your partner, instead of secretly wishing they would buy you one, buy them one. If you wish your partner would say more sweet things to you, start by saying more sweet things to them. When we are willing to give what we need, you open the space to receive what you need. You will see that when you start being the partner you want, your partner will follow. Don’t wait for them to start, you start and let them follow.
Not believing true love is possible
Many of us after failed relationships give up on the idea of a soul mate or true love. We put limits on how good a relationship can be or we become jaded over how well two people can really get through life together. These are all very limiting thoughts. What most of us don’t realize is these limiting thoughts keep us from being the partner we want. We look for signs of failure, we hold back in case it fails, we keep our options open, we settle for less than ideal because we don’t believe ideal exists. All of these things keep us from a truly happy relationship. We have to go into each relationship being open, giving all of our love, and believing that happiness is achievable. If we don’t believe we can never achieve. Start by being open in your thoughts to your current relationship being the best one you have ever had and lasting a lifetime. How does that feel? Hopefully much better than holding onto a notion that it may end.
Not being respectful at all times
We all know we shouldn’t yell at each other, physically harm each other, cuss at each other and the very blatant forms of disrespect. But this is another respect issue that can keep you from a very happy relationship that a lot of us find ourselves creeping to as we stay with our partner longer and longer. It is the pick on each other game. Example: while at dinner with friends talking about a recent trip she says “he always has to use GPS because he always gets lost, I am way better at directions than him”, he says “I had to wait forever in the mornings for her to get ready because she takes forever to do everything”. While these comments may seem harmless and can even be true, pointing out your spouse’s shortfalls, especially in public is disrespectful. When you are with someone, you should be their biggest fan. You should want everyone to know how lucky you are and why you chose this wonderful person. When you tear them down in public, you not only make them look less desirable, you make yourself look even worse because you chose them and are now being disrespectful. None of us are perfect, we never will be, pointing that out every chance you get creates tension and hurt feelings that are not necessary. Try mentioning only positive things about your spouse, more likely than not, they already know what they are not good at and you pointing them out only makes them feel bad. Try saying “I love that I get to help him with directions on our trip, we even call me Tom Tom” while he can say “ I don’t mind waiting on my girl in the mornings because she looks so beautiful everyday”. These are comments that take your frustrations and make them beautiful, like the relationship you want.